I am entering one of my Major Depression states where I sort of retreat into myself. It’s not such a bad place to be, really. It’s familiar, and I know the carpets and drapes like they were the insides of my eyelids. 

I want nothing. I do nothing. I look forward to nothing. Sleep and occasional drinks are all I need. Speaking of…

I’ve noticed that I am always thirsty. I’ve described myself to others as a Human Callous: just dry and rough. When we go grocery shopping I fill the cart with beverages: chocolate milk, V-8, apple juice, sweet tea, pineapple soda, etc. Just as much liquid as I can pour into my body. I love food, but oddly I don’t like eating. It’s strange. 

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong. I’m just not okay. I’m not bad, I’m just not okay. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about physics lately. I read a great explanation of gravitational fields that was so illuminating that I feel I have to share it. 

So we all know essentially what gravitational fields are: a body of great mass pulls others towards it due to gravity. But how? Why? Here’s a great illustration to explain it:

Take a paper towel and hold it up, taut. Use two volunteers. Tell them to hold it level, not pulling at the edges but just holding them so that the towel is held flat above a surface. Now take a quarter, a nickel, and a dime and place them carefully on the towel at random spots away from one another. 

“So this is Earth, Mars, and Venus. Note that their relative size and mass don’t affect one another or the gravitational plane that they exist together on. Got it?”

Now take an orange in your hand. Say “This is the sun.” Drop it into the center of the paper towel. Its weight will cause the paper towel to sag, and the coins will slip towards it. That’s how gravitational fields work. 

Cool, right? I love science. 

Our current President is a fucking moron and he makes me uncomfortably angry. 

I legitimately had a dream the other night in which I ran into two old acquaintances at a book store, and I was quite excited to see them because I wanted to tell them about a dream I’d had where I ran into them in a bookstore. I fervently believed in this situation in this dream world. This was followed by a dream wherein I was managing a restaurant and part of a team member’s checkout process (the machinations by which they end their shift and are paid their tips so they may leave for the day) involved giving me a handjob, and all the while it was happening I knew it was unethical and I was quite disturbed by it. 

Sometimes I don’t want my head.