I left work the other day to visit one of the other restaurants to pick up some product. I parked in a small parking lot behind the restaurant, which had about five other cars parked there. One cannot easily assume that the owners of these vehicles are in the restaurant as there are many businesses nearby and the positioning of the lot allows for access to any number of places. So, no, I don’t think Chuck Norris was going to the restaurant.

I say that because after I parked my car but before I stepped out, I saw a man sitting in the SUV in the spot in front of me to my right. The man looked like Chuck Norris. This isn’t too much of a stretch as I was in Texas, in a shopping center not too far from Lake Conroe, where Chuck is rumored to have a home. There is actually a likelihood that this man in this truck was none other than Chuck Norris.

But here’s the thing: the man was sitting in his car. I didn’t stare, so I can’t say much about what he was actually doing, but one is left to wonder. What was Chuck doing in his car? Was he finishing a text before starting it up to drive, like a responsible Texas motorist? Was he reading some quick headlines, maybe checking his IMDb ranking? Was he trolling BLM supporters and sending the RNC and NRA white thumbs-ups?

What was he doing? Why was he alone? What are you doing in your car alone, Chuck? Are you on your phone reaching out for human connection? Are you harnessing your Chi before placing a complex order at Five Guys or Jersey Mike’s? Are you squeezing the steering wheel, listening to the squeaking sound of your skin catching along its surface while you contemplate life in other galaxies, wondering if they’d ever brave the orbital detritus to knock on our door and introduce themselves? Are you ranking your personal top 5 Chuck Norris superlatives?

I’ll never know if it was Chuck in that truck, as I couldn’t imagine a scenario wherein I could rap on his window and say hello. Nevermind that we’re in a pandemic; it just doesn’t seem feasible. Yeah, I would walk up to a guy who looked like Chuck Norris in an H-E-B and say “Excuse me, are you Chuck Norris?” But to knock on his window while he’s sitting in his parked vehicle? Absolutely not. What if it wasn’t him? What do I say? “Oh, I’m sorry; I thought you were Chuck Norris.” Moreover, what if it was him? That’s a deeply personal moment, and I would be mortified if I intruded on it.

So, yeah, I may or may not have seen Chuck Norris the other day.

The End