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Author Archives: ericmcclanahan
“I hope this finds you well / and everything is going as you’d planned…”
I see him every day. I see him every where. I went to the liquor store today and he was there. I’m not sure if his face is getting paler or his eyes are getting darker or one … Continue reading
“feels like I’m slipping/into a dream within a dream”
I am exhausted. I slept for over eight hours, but I had so many detailed and terrifying dreams that I feel I’ve lived several hard and soul-crushing lives. I’ll try to recount them as best as I can. In the … Continue reading
“No one needs anyone, they don’t even just pretend”
Okay, I hope you’re sitting in a stable position or at least not operating heavy machinery. If there’s a seatbelt or other likewise restraint nearby, I suggest you employ it. I’m about to get political. If you’ve been paying attention … Continue reading
“Now I’m picturing us opening up wide / Drinking down our days in haze and bliss”
I have been unable to feel as of late. Or I have been unaware of how I feel. And not for lack of trying, mind you. I am asked frequently, and before I offer a knee-jerk canned response, I ask … Continue reading
Posted in Sayonara, San Diego
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Now the page is soaked with tears / flipping backwards through the years / how I wish that you were here
I made the mistake tonight of looking through old photographs. It started as a moving exercise, a chance to declutter some more stuff as we prepare to move across the nation. Then I got the brilliant idea to shove a … Continue reading
“I just want to scream ‘Hello! My God, it’s been so long / never dreamed you’d return!'”
The past six months have been a wavering line of uncertainty, peaks and valleys that undulated through space and time, and soon (in less than one month) that line will end… …and resume 1500 miles east of here. After 14 … Continue reading
Posted in Sayonara, San Diego
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“It sucks me in when you’re aloof”
“How are you?” How? Are? You? Such a thorny inquiry. So much room for interpretation. Could it be “What is your emotional state?”? Or “How is your emotional state governing your sense of self-worth at this moment?”? Or, more likely, … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
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“you say ‘take this’/’this medicine; it’s just what you deserve'”
Wherein I open my heart and let the monster out… Continue reading
“and ask many questions like children often do…”
Sometimes I am taken aback by my childishness. I know where my arrested development comes from; I can chart it, understand it, explain it to others, recover from the shortcomings it propagates within me and my behavior. I know it … Continue reading
“She said she liked the way I felt / and breaking down my boundaries…”
Wherein I say the unthinkable but ask us to think about it… Continue reading
Posted in Depression, Uncategorized
Tagged death, Dreams, major depression, Sadness, Too Much Thinking
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Eric McClanahan 