“They keep calling me…”

I can’t sleep.  I lie in bed and listen to the screaming in my brain.

I can’t keep my eyes open; the world is too garish.  I can’t close them; the swirl of fury and flames and defeat in my head are too terrifying.

I can’t eat.  I can’t pretend.

My heart is broken.  My mind is fractured.  I… can’t.

I feel like I can’t live in this world that I’ve come to know.  A world where rapists and brutes are given second chances.  A world where seemingly smart people drink poison and call it faith.  It hurts me too much.

I have been broken.  I spend the hours of the day trying not to cry.  I envisioned another version of myself as I was lying in bed, not sleeping, refusing to face the world; one where I smiled and pushed the strife to the back of my mind.  One where I was no longer in a rut.  But I knew it was a lie.  I would rather live in the truth than a lie.  That is why this new world that I’ve seen affects me so; because it is the truth that I’ve been spared for so long.

I am only so much bitterness and disappointment.  I don’t want this anymore.