“When all it was, was something beautiful / when Times and Dreams all seemed so dull”

I am in exile.

It’s all One Big Day these days.  One long, seemingly interminable Day; then I blink my eyes, and someone, somewhere turns a calendar.

Last week I washed my clothes in the shower while bathing myself.  Frugal.  More than likely, I will do so again tomorrow.  I have less than no money.  But I do have spaghetti.  For now.

I haven’t had any deep thoughts lately because I haven’t been looking past the surface of anything.  I used to dive down rabbitholes frequently, spurred by no more than the sight of a spider or a cupcake or a package of crackers; now I’m in a strange place where everything is new and I can only see its veneer.  Perhaps it’s due to the learning process; I am absorbing a lot of information while training for my new career and it leaves little time for personal or local introspection.  Or maybe it’s something more permanent and sinister: maybe I’ve given up on the possibilities of the world around me.  Maybe I’ve decided to accept the world as It is and no longer peek in Its corners, try to peer through narrow eyelids and see what It’s doing when It thinks I’m not watching.  Maybe I’ve stopped imagining, grown up, and bid Peter and the Lost Boys farewell.  I’ll never see NeverLand again.

Maybe I’m just tired, uninspired, lonely.  Or maybe I am really old and Over It.

Netflix keeps me company.