*Spoiler Alert*

I’m about to be a complete asshole but I mean no offense to anyone associated with this post. I found it on Facebook with a charming multi-green background and in large, bulbous, celebratory typeset. But seriously, get a clue and stop congratulating people that have made masturbatory millions by simple precedent/antecedent prose.

You’re better than that.

“Next time you complain about the price of gas, realize that some simpleton wrote a book about perspective. Next time you complain about a messy house, know that someone made money from saying ‘Those who can’t do, teach.’ Next time you complain about your boss, know that some multimillionaire has a publisher that he has to appease to make another several million. Next time you want to remind me to examine my life in relation to others, remember the Godlike perspective that you’ve achieved through chance, luck, and wealth, and shut your fucking mouth because you were like me before Dr Oz or Oprah or your braindead, directionless friends were around to misuse the word ‘genius’ and give you the wherewithal to think your elementary observations fucking mattered.”

The grass is always greener, and someone is always there to remind you to stop pissing on their grass, or to get a high five for reminding you to stop pissing on your own.

Seriously, honestly, no offense meant.

I just have opinions.

And brains.