In my Dreams, even those who Love me try to Kill me

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You put a gun in my mouth. You wanted it to be instant. I gagged and started crying, saying “I’m sorry but not like this. It’s how he went and I can’t.” You grew angry saying “don’t make your experiences weaknesses. I hate that more than anything.” I replied “no you don’t, you hate fear more than anything. Like me.” The look on your face when you realized how well I understood you, that you weren’t alone, was unmistakable.

You put the barrel of the gun against my eye and pulled the trigger. ‬
‪The rain and mud rendered it useless. ‬

We’d gone to the river’s edge for you to kill me. What now would we do with the rest of the evening?